I’ve been engrossed in the book “On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good” by Elise Loehnen. One of the chapters that’s struck me the most so far is on Envy.
Loehnen says women are conditioned to believe Envy is a distasteful emotion so we avoid it.
But, Loehnen asks, what if we allowed ourselves to examine our envy and learn from it? Are there some women we think we disdain but we actually envy? Could our envy guide us towards a life where we are more true to our own desires?
Loehnen also notes that women are conditioned to be small, always take care of others, and put others first.
If any woman breaks those “rules”, other women hate her for it.
That definitely rings true for me as an Asian Christian woman, who’s often struggled to be the “perfect Christian wife and mother”.
It got me thinking about my own life, and who I envy.
I wouldn’t call the emotion envy, but I do want the mindset of these women: Alicia Keys, Reese Witherspoon, and Jennifer Lopez. (Isn’t it interesting how none of these women are Asian?)
All of these women are powerful, creative, and create opportunities for themselves.
I appreciate that Alicia Keys went through a period of wearing no makeup, because she wanted to be more confident au naturel, and valued authenticity over succumbing to the pressure of music industry executives and what “works”. I love her songs like “Girl on Fire” and “Empire State of Mind”, because she exudes confidence and having a mindset that conquers anything.
Reese Witherspoon is another woman who inspires me. She’s in a heavily male industry and realized there’s a dearth of meaty film roles for women, so she created her own production company to tell our stories. And because Witherspoon owned the company, she cast herself in the lead roles. She also supports other women in the industry -- making things better for the next generation.
Finally, Jennifer Lopez. I don’t know her work well but I am intrigued by the fact that she’s a business mogul with a very lengthy career in an industry that’s notorious for casting out women of a certain age. In one of Lopez’s books, she said that she was one of 3 sisters. She was not the smart one or the best singer (I’m recalling this from memory so forgive me if I made an error on the exact details.) JLo was none of those things, but she was the hardest worker.
Why do I admire these women?
They own their power, they’re relentless in their pursuit of their art, they believe in themselves, they’re smart and savvy business women, and they know their worth.
Now that’s something I can get behind.
How about you — who do you envy? Who do you disdain? Is there anything you can learn about yourself from those people?