We’ve had the good fortune of spending a lot of time with friends this summer, hosting a family friend from LA, and having a 7-hour playdate with a friend from the Sacramento area.
With these lengthier times together, we really get to observe each other’s family dynamics.
I was telling my friend from Sacramento that my kids, ages 12 and 7, are on a really bad screentime habit this summer - we are talking hours and hours after camp, because I’m too tired to force them to do other activities.
They don’t play with each other.
I always thought it was the age difference, but my friend’s daughters, ages 15 and 9, do play together.
Here’s what I learned from her:
Ask them what sorts of activities they want to do together. In the early stages, she said, we can even buy something for them to work on, like a crafting kit, art supplies, games, etc. —> Right now my girls enjoy pickleball so we’ll try to do that more.
Encourage cooperation, not competition. For example, if they’re playing video games together, have them be on the same team to score points together rather than trying to beat each other.
When there’s a fight, have them repair. (We always forget to do this one :/)
Have them affirm each other. I’ve been trying to implement an appreciation time at night with my kids, but we tend to do it separately, with me and each child. It will be more powerful to do it together, so they can also appreciate each other.
And what I noticed from my friend in LA:
Pray together. I had mentioned I was having some aches and pains and my friend told me she’d have her kids pray for me. So, we gathered in a circle and her children lay hands on my injured areas. They literally said very simple, 3-sentence prayers, but it was so touching to hear such young voices seeking God on my behalf.
I realized that praying together as a family really unites people. We typically pray 1:1 at bedtime, or one person prays at dinner, but having all 4 of us pray for each other will be really powerful.
As I was reflecting on these practices which seem so simple but are so powerful, I realized I can implement them in all of my relationships.
How do you help siblings get along? What are your best tips for building deep relationships?
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This post is sponsored BrightStory, a boutique college admissions consulting company owned by Stanford graduate, professional journalist and “coach of admission coaches” Alice Chen, who also created Happy Asian Woman.
These are really lovely and great ideas. I would imagine competing with devices would be very challenging. I noticed this with my own nephews and nieces. You're not alone. They did come together for movies and games, so that helps. My brother and I grew up in another time, so we always had toys or spent time outside. In fact, we were rarely home.