Goodbye Grind Culture

Hello Rest

Photo by Sdf Rahbar on Unsplash

Ever since I started working for myself 17 years ago (and got Internet at home), I’ve had a really hard time resting.

I don't know if it's because I’m married to a Really Busy husband and feel like I need to work when he works, or it’s the Asian side of me that was raised to perform, or it’s the Christian side of me that was taught about The Poverbs 31 Woman who woke before dawn to work and stayed up late to work. (By the way, the woman who taught about the Proverbs 31 woman was a queen talking to her son. Do you think this queen got up early to work and stayed up late? And notice that the husband was sitting at the city gates…???)

Anyways, there's something insidious in our culture that teaches us that we are worth nothing unless we produce. We will not survive unless we produce.

Decades into this lifestyle, I see myself and those around me completely burning out. People are anxious and depressed. Several of my classmates from Stanford have committed suicide. Even people in my Christian circles are completely burned out from... ministering to others. And since mothers are frequently the default parent, we are especially exhausted to the point of mysterious physical ailments.

What is this all for? How can we stop this?

Rest.

I've mentioned this before - my therapist told me most people think when they are stressed they need to power through, but, she said, “More stress, more rest.”

How am I incorporating rest? 

Schedule It

Over the summer I made the mistake of seeing students in the mornings and afternoons, so work and parenting expanded across 14-hour days.

Now I consolidate all of my clients into the afternoons, so my mornings are mainly reserved for heading to the woods with a friend or by myself to hike, journal, read or write.

I work from 7 AM to 10 AM, and roughly 130 PM to 930 PM. That's an 11-hour day of paid work and free labor (aka parenting, which is definitely harder than my day job.) If I don't block off almost every day from 10 AM to 130 PM, I get burned out.

Re-programming

I’m trying to de-program from Hustle Culture by listening to audiobooks like Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. It is extremely powerful to hear someone tell me You are enough. You are worthy no matter what your do. You can rest.

I also love hearing Hersey tell me that I do not need to be a machine to feed capitalism.

Community

It’s easy for me to subscribe to newsletters and follow people who are in building mode for their careers and lives. But I’ve realized those people are about 5- 10 years younger than me and chasing things I no longer value. I don't need to earn X amount more per year; I'd rather have time and freedom to enjoy my life.

The other day I was spending time with a friend who was a bit older and she said she always thought she’d retire and build a coaching business.  But her friend from high school just died and she realized…she wants to have fun.

One of my acquaintances from church just died at age 44. I've had college friends die in their 20s.

Our time is extremely limited.

What do I value? How do I want to live my life? How do I want to spend the precious time I have left on earth?

When I visit my mom and in-laws who are in their 70s and 80s, I see that their values are completely different than most people’s our age.

They never talk about their former careers.

Their days are filled with simple pleasures like gardening, exercising, cooking, seeing friends and enjoying themselves.

And you know what? I can do more of that now.  

I’m fortunate that more opportunities keep arising with work. But just because I can do something does not mean I should. 

More work and more money do not lead to better quality of life, because I am literally sacrificing life (time) to get there.

The ability to enjoy what you have is a great blessing.

How do you resist overworking? Are you in the building, maintenance or decumulating phase of your life? If you’re decumulating, how are you doing that?

YOU’LL ALSO LOVE…

What I Learned From My 88-year old Dad

Art as Rest

A 6-Minute 42-Second Activity that Changed My Day