Alice, thank you for this post! I agree with you that its so important to have our own lives separate from our spouse. Our own friends, goals and hobbies that give our lives meaning and purpose outside of marriage and family. Its even more important to have this when theres an imbalance of who works outside of the house more. Its not only healthy for us but also good for the rest of the family members. I also love the idea of booking a sitter for 6 hours and going on a date! Thanks for your thoughtful insight!
You’re so sweet! Thank you for commenting… Yes, the six hour sitter is amazing. We have gone to Napa a few times and it’s been magical. I feel like a human being again. We’ve also experimented with having my husband take one day off from work while the kids are in school and we also go to Napa… It’s been great!
It’s taking me a long time to realize that one person cannot satisfy all of my needs, and I think it helps everybody’s relationship when I have a lot of friends, including you :-) thank you for hanging out and hiking! Love our convos!
Being a bit of a workaholic myself, I can relate. During my time as a startup founder, my husband and I were like ships passing in the night. The key is definitely to find and schedule time to spend together, but also know that nothing lasts forever. For me, at least, we were able to adjust our lifestyles to have better work life balance. For both of us, we're in a much better place now.
Aww... thanks for sharing! that's great that your busy period ended and you've been able to recalibrate your relationship and lifestyle.
I am really pushing for that for our family too. I hope we survive until my husband retires! Unfortunately for him, his job is give 200% or retire. Wish he could have more work / life balance in his job.
And yes I am def a workaholic myself... i'm working on that and trying to raise more relaxed kids.
Did you have mental shifts that enabled you to work less?
In my case, I had to take drastic measures to work less. My doctor had to tell me that if I didn't do something about it, she would have to involuntarily admit me into a hospital. That's when I knew I needed to take this seriously. And I'm glad I did. I resigned, and I'm a lot better now.
wow, that sounds intense. thank you for sharing. i agree - overwork definitely takes a toll on our health. i 'm glad you were able to resign and you're doing better! I think it does take a health scare to get many of us to slow down... I think my father's death two years ago really shifted my perspective on what's important. until we realize our mortality it's easy to chase the unimportant. so glad you're better!
Ooof. This is a tough one. Relationship compatibility is so personal. I knew a couple who both worked at the same hospital, but one did the morning and the other did the evening shift. And they had kids, so I guess that answers that.
Both my husband and I are creatives, so we understand the importance of being alone and doing our own thing. But even without kids, it's not like everything runs smoothly.
For food, one of my best decisions was getting food delivery because my husband doesn't cook, which means it's all me and I'm teaching, too, so it was bananas stressful. We use a vegan service that delivers two lunches M-F. This frees up my time during the week because we try to create four meals out them using rice or bread.
But if you don't have a healthy option, I'd HIGHLY RECOMMEND food prep. What this means is you spend an hour or two (maybe you listen to music or a podcast or get the kids to help, I don't know) chopping all the veggies and putting them in containers for later use. This was such a game changer for me. It's much easier to then just grab the sliced mushrooms, etc, and cook dinner. You might also consider getting a slow cooker. xo
Ooh nice - food delivery! and expanding it with your offerings! I should really look into it again. I like the vegan idea! And yes, food prep... I need to do more of that. I've tried batch cooking but got tired after 6 servings of lentils lol - I have also done a lot of frozen veggies (trader joe's has great brocolli and cauliflower - my go tos for the kid lunches all week!) another friend recommended throwing riced cauliflower into dishes like pasta sauce or taco meat to bulk things up. we tried it last night and it really lightens up a meat dish!
what sort of creatives are you and your husband? i love hearing from creatives!
Yes to bread and rice to bulk things up and make it stretch. A side salad would also do the trick :)
My husband is an artist who works digitally (not AI), and I write. Funnily, we're both left-handed, too. But we met each other while teaching in Thailand!
I am learning a lot from these posts. I am still in my single and mingle era and I believe that such information will help me make better choices when I find myself in a similar situation. Thank you Alice.
Alice, thank you for this post! I agree with you that its so important to have our own lives separate from our spouse. Our own friends, goals and hobbies that give our lives meaning and purpose outside of marriage and family. Its even more important to have this when theres an imbalance of who works outside of the house more. Its not only healthy for us but also good for the rest of the family members. I also love the idea of booking a sitter for 6 hours and going on a date! Thanks for your thoughtful insight!
You’re so sweet! Thank you for commenting… Yes, the six hour sitter is amazing. We have gone to Napa a few times and it’s been magical. I feel like a human being again. We’ve also experimented with having my husband take one day off from work while the kids are in school and we also go to Napa… It’s been great!
It’s taking me a long time to realize that one person cannot satisfy all of my needs, and I think it helps everybody’s relationship when I have a lot of friends, including you :-) thank you for hanging out and hiking! Love our convos!
Being a bit of a workaholic myself, I can relate. During my time as a startup founder, my husband and I were like ships passing in the night. The key is definitely to find and schedule time to spend together, but also know that nothing lasts forever. For me, at least, we were able to adjust our lifestyles to have better work life balance. For both of us, we're in a much better place now.
Aww... thanks for sharing! that's great that your busy period ended and you've been able to recalibrate your relationship and lifestyle.
I am really pushing for that for our family too. I hope we survive until my husband retires! Unfortunately for him, his job is give 200% or retire. Wish he could have more work / life balance in his job.
And yes I am def a workaholic myself... i'm working on that and trying to raise more relaxed kids.
Did you have mental shifts that enabled you to work less?
In my case, I had to take drastic measures to work less. My doctor had to tell me that if I didn't do something about it, she would have to involuntarily admit me into a hospital. That's when I knew I needed to take this seriously. And I'm glad I did. I resigned, and I'm a lot better now.
wow, that sounds intense. thank you for sharing. i agree - overwork definitely takes a toll on our health. i 'm glad you were able to resign and you're doing better! I think it does take a health scare to get many of us to slow down... I think my father's death two years ago really shifted my perspective on what's important. until we realize our mortality it's easy to chase the unimportant. so glad you're better!
Aww thanks! ❤️ I hope it helps! I am fortunate to have the support of family, friends and therapists... glad to share what I’m learning!
Great ideas about bulking up the meal!
That’s so great, a writer, and an artist! I’m a left-hander as well! Teaching in Thailand, sounds like such an adventure!
Ooof. This is a tough one. Relationship compatibility is so personal. I knew a couple who both worked at the same hospital, but one did the morning and the other did the evening shift. And they had kids, so I guess that answers that.
Both my husband and I are creatives, so we understand the importance of being alone and doing our own thing. But even without kids, it's not like everything runs smoothly.
For food, one of my best decisions was getting food delivery because my husband doesn't cook, which means it's all me and I'm teaching, too, so it was bananas stressful. We use a vegan service that delivers two lunches M-F. This frees up my time during the week because we try to create four meals out them using rice or bread.
But if you don't have a healthy option, I'd HIGHLY RECOMMEND food prep. What this means is you spend an hour or two (maybe you listen to music or a podcast or get the kids to help, I don't know) chopping all the veggies and putting them in containers for later use. This was such a game changer for me. It's much easier to then just grab the sliced mushrooms, etc, and cook dinner. You might also consider getting a slow cooker. xo
Ooh nice - food delivery! and expanding it with your offerings! I should really look into it again. I like the vegan idea! And yes, food prep... I need to do more of that. I've tried batch cooking but got tired after 6 servings of lentils lol - I have also done a lot of frozen veggies (trader joe's has great brocolli and cauliflower - my go tos for the kid lunches all week!) another friend recommended throwing riced cauliflower into dishes like pasta sauce or taco meat to bulk things up. we tried it last night and it really lightens up a meat dish!
what sort of creatives are you and your husband? i love hearing from creatives!
Yes to bread and rice to bulk things up and make it stretch. A side salad would also do the trick :)
My husband is an artist who works digitally (not AI), and I write. Funnily, we're both left-handed, too. But we met each other while teaching in Thailand!
I am learning a lot from these posts. I am still in my single and mingle era and I believe that such information will help me make better choices when I find myself in a similar situation. Thank you Alice.